Mental Health Expert in Greenwood Village, Colorado

“God gave to us, he took away, but he will give to us again.” Reportedly said by, Susi, a tsunami survivor in Indonesia. The news is noting the resilience of the Indonesian people after a tsunami hit without warning, devastating the area and killing many.*

Resilience is a powerful human tool! One that too many of us in the United States are lacking. I was recently sitting with a dear friend who was worried about her depressed teenager who she just learned has been cutting. Her daughter is gorgeous, has friends, does well in school and has a stable loving family. So my friend wonders what could possibly lead to this sense of not liking herself and feeling depressed; she says, I think maybe it’s because she has never had to struggle.” And you know what…this super smart friend of mine has a point.

When people don’t struggle through something, they don’t learn to survive; they don’t learn to cope with pain; they don’t learn their own power; and they don’t learn to be RESILIENT!!! Struggling through situations that are not ideal and coming out on the other side okay makes people psychologically stronger. It shifts perception and often builds a growth mindset- a way of thinking about life that allows you to move forward when things don’t go your way or when disaster strikes. That is what you hear Susi talking about…she has a resilient mindset that allows her to remain psychologically healthy despite tragedy.

As a society, we try to keep our kids and ourselves from pain. Many of you reading this probably live in a nice house, had presents for the holidays, have food on your table, and feel sorry for those who do not have these things. But sometimes people who have less, have more. It’s all perspective. If conditions keep you from never experiencing life- highs and lows, loss and pain- then you miss the opportunity to build resilience. So, when your kid/husband/friend is hurting because someone did something mean, don’t rush to solve the problem, let him learn, let him hurt and let him know that it is normal and okay, but that you believe in him and he can get through it!

A Cajun who took me on a boat ride through the swamp to look for alligators, had a very banged up boat. He said, “if your boat isn’t dinged you haven’t gone anywhere good.” In that same vein, if your heart hasn’t broken and you haven’t experienced pain in this life, you aren’t prepared for the road ahead. So, normalize the struggle and normalize the pain! It’s all okay and you will survive; maybe even for the better.

Read more at Resilience Is A Gift! - The Psychological Associates