Professional Mental Health Counselor in Greenwood Village, Colorado
“13 Reasons Why” The Netflix original that, for better or worse, has everyone talking. Talking about suicide, abuse, bullying, and what is appropriate for a teen audience. Spoiler alert, the TV series is about a teenage girl who commits suicide and pre-records 13 different cassette tapes, each speaking about a different one of her peers and how their actions contributed to her decision to commit suicide. The show depicts graphic rape scenes as well as acts of violence and adult language. The show obviously caused some commotion, and rightfully so, parents were concerned to have their children watch it
As a mental health professional, I was torn as to the appropriateness of this particular TV show. I agree that there needs to be more of a conversation about suicide, but in what ways do we want to expose vulnerable young adults in order to start the conversation. I hadn’t thought too much about watching the series until several of my own teen clients began to speak about it. It certainly hit as a trendy show that everyone watched, and to be in the know you felt like you must watch it too. But then, my clients started speaking about the show and the impact it had on them. So, I decided, as a therapist in Denver, that I needed to watch if for myself so I could have a better understanding of my clients and what they were speaking about.
It was difficult to watch, heart breaking in fact. As I allowed the conversation about the series to develop more with my clients, I was surprised to hear how accurate the depiction is of real high schools and the high school experience. My teen clients finally felt heard and had TV characters they could really relate to. They saw characters who were bullied, had thoughts of suicide, endured assaults, who felt unheard and didn’t fit in. And if you’ve watched the series yourself, you know how concerning that is.
The fear of those who argue against the TV show, is not only the appropriateness of the show and if it should be shown to a teen audience, but also the possibility of increased suicidality to individuals who have seen it. Does 13 Reasons Why glamorize suicide? Does it give teens a new idea or perhaps the courage they didn’t have before to follow through with such a devastating act? What we do know is suicide is now the 10th leading cause of death in the United States and has increased 25% since 1999 (Carey, 2018).
My intention is not to advocate for or against this TV series, rather to suggest why teens have the negative social and emotional experiences they have compared to generations before. I can’t help but think that social media and an excessive amount of screen time are primary contributing factors. When people, especially youth learn to communicate and socialize over a device rather than face to face, empathy is lost. When I hurt a friend’s feeling I know they are sad because I can see their reaction and feel their emotional response, however if I were to send that mean text message, I don’t personally experience their hurt or emotion, therefore I also avoid the feelings of sadness and guilt. All empathy is lost. Especially with most teens primary form of communication being Snap Chat, messages and images disappear with no trace. Not only is empathy lost, but also the sense of responsibility.
Does the increase in suicide correlate with the increase in social media and technology? In the example provided by 13 Reasons Why, the vast majority of bullying was done with the use of smartphones and social media. The vast majority of bullying and hurt feelings that I hear about from my clients also comes from smartphones and social media. According to researchers, “among teens who spent five hours or more on their phone per day, 48 percent had suicide-related outcomes such as depression, thinking about suicide, making suicide plans or attempting suicide” (Kelly, 2017).
So how do we change this? Unfortunately, I think this is a complicated situation which would require many changes, both within our homes, schools, communities, as well as the larger social systems. But here are some places we can start. Monitor your children’s phone and social media use, encourage them to “unplug” and enjoy time disconnected from their phone. Talk to your children. Ask them how they use their phones and social media. Teach them how to use them wisely and safely, such as knowing who they are talking too and never sending vulnerable or inappropriate material. Know what they are doing with their friends. Know and monitor what they are watching on TV or on their phones. Encourage face to face time both within the family and amongst peers to foster the development of empathy and emotional connection to others. And, if you choose to watch 13 Reasons Why (or any other explicit content), or allow your children to watch it, watch it together. Allow the conversation to begin in your own living room and let them know it’s ok to talk about their experience and feelings.
It might feel scary, but we need to have conversations about depression, suicide, rape, abuse, and bullying. Many parents fear that talking openly about suicide will increase thoughts and actions towards it, but we know that talking about suicide with an adult defuses thoughts and allows teens to process what they are feeling and going through. There are many people who can help if you, your child, or someone else you know are struggling with some of the issues that are represented on the show. And we are here at Psychological Associates of the Rockies to help you traverse this difficult terrain.
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